How to deal with stains

Nothing screams cricket like a pair of white trousers and a white shirt. There are various reasons why our forefathers took such a liking to the humble cricket whites, for example:
i. The dyes used to colour clothing were relatively expensive back in the day
ii. White was viewed as a symbol of royalty and elegance
iii. White reflected the “intensity” of the British summer sun more efficiently than other colours
Whatever the reason, they became synonymous with the game. And equally hated by wives, mothers or house-trained cricketers around the world. As I’m sure many of you reading this can testify, white sports clothing presents a rather infuriating problem – the eternal battle to remove stains. Indeed, I’ve probably spent as many hours in the laundry room (aka the bath - who am I kidding, I don’t have a laundry room) scrubbing away at sadistically persistent grass stains as I have spent batting out in the middle. Throw hotdogs lathered in ketchup and mustard, a cheeky glass of red wine after the game and some unnecessarily coloured suncream into the mix and you’re dealing with some of the toughest thugs in the stain underworld. Whilst most other divisions in Scottish cricket have moved with the times and now play in coloured clothing, ESCA still clings to the past, which in turn means that I continue to ensure Sainsburys remains profitable, by spending more money in the laundry detergent aisle than I do on actual clothing in a year. So, as I sit here typing out this match report in between the 4th and 5th pre-wash soaking, I can help but think of stains. Sadly, these aren’t the only stains that I/we had to deal with this weekend.
Linlithgow hosted Morton at the BCG on the muggiest day in living memory. Having lost their previous five encounters with the opposition, LCC knew they were in for a scrappy dog-fight against one of the strongest batting line-ups in the league. Losing the toss, we were unsurprisingly asked to bowl.

In the absence of our regular openers (Thomson – injured, Allan & Hamilton – unavailable/trying to cram in the last few nights of partying before baby #1 arrives), LCC threw the new ball to Hill and Dixon who both settled immediately into lovely rhythms. Dixon was the first to draw blood when a ball just back of a length stayed a little low and pinned Mahalingam on the crease. 20 for 1 soon became 21 for 2 as Hill got in on the act, shaping one back in from a 4th stump line and cheaply trapping the dangerous Suresh in front of all three. That same back of length delivery paid dividends again for Dixon (10-2-22-2) in the next over, this time finding the outside edge of Anandaroa’s bat to gift Hedge with his first catch behind the stumps. Whilst delighted to see the back of Anandarao, this dismissal meant that the leagues leading run scorer, Khan, would be coming out to the middle. With six fifty plus scores in the seven prior league games, LCC had spent quiet some time working on a plan to get rid of him cheaply. Having seen him be dismissed several times this season (and last season) by left handed spinners meant that Keith Morton (“Morts” for the rest of this report, to avoid confusion with the opposition) was brought immediately into the attack (other teams in the league, if you’re reading this please take note! I’m absolutely not sharing this information so that I can try and overtake Khan in the batting stats, promise ?). The plan worked, but not exactly as intended. Rather than sending the main man back to the hutch, Morts uprooted the remaining opener, Rajagopalan’s middle stump with a beautiful in ducker that went straight through the gate. At 39 for 4, LCC were now firmly in control of the game and knew that one more wicket could be the straw to break the camels back. However Khan began to show his class. A rock solid defence and an uncanny ability to dispatch the bad ball time and time again is a lethal batting combination at this level, and he quickly began to shift through the gears, ably supported by Ramani at the other end. Khan moved his score along to 30 before disaster struck, a quick single proving too much for an old calf injury. As the big man hobbled off, the disappointment of seeing a good batsman leave the arena in such a manner easily outweighed the delight in not having to bowl to him. With Khan side-lined, Morts was given a breather and was replaced by Hill. The change worked a treat, with Hill (10-2-48-3) picking up a further two quick wickets, first inducing the edge of Kumar’s bat to be caught behind by Hedge and then following that up with a well-directed bouncer that caught the splice of Jalagandeeswaran’s bat and was safely pouched at square-leg by Morton. At 90 for 6, LCC were keen to press home the advantage. However, Khan wasn’t prepared to go down without a fight and hobbled back to the middle, this time aided by a runner. Wallace had been brought on to replace Dixon and he soon made an impact, nipping one back in to catch Khan in front for a well made 35. Morts (10-1-33-2) was brought back on to replace Hill after he finished his spell, and he too was quickly in on the act, tempting Daniel to drive a low full toss to Black at cover, with the total on 119 for 8. This brought the opposition skipper Nathan to the crease. By now Ramani was seeing the ball well and, in the face of tight bowling, the pair set about trying to steal as many singles as possible. Their ploy worked well and they were able to rotate the strike with ease for 10 overs, helping push the total up to 156 before Nathan was caught behind off the bowling of Wallace (9.2-1-32.3). The same bowler then wrapped up the innings in his next over, bowling Thangavel and leaving Ramani stranded two short of what would’ve been a gutsy and well deserved 50.

With 162 to chase, LCC were quietly confident that this should be easily achievable. I’ll save you the suspense - unfortunately this wasn’t to be the case, as wickets fell at regular intervals throughout the innings, suffocating any chance of LCC gaining the upper hand. Oliver and Strachan opened up proceedings and both looked assured at the crease in the face of a decent opening bowling attack, spearheaded by Thangavel and Kumar. It was the latter who struck first, dismissing Oliver (5) who played around a straight one. Strachan (6) followed shortly afterwards, trapped in front off the former. Thomson and Player set about trying to build a partnership and both looked well set, until Thomson (16) pushed the issue and drove straight to mid-on. Player (15) fell in a similar manner not long afterwards, driving to mid-off. Black (28, caught behind) and Morton (11, caught mid-off) also came and went after having done the hard yards, but then failing to push on and capitalise, to leave LCC on 114 for 6, and still needing 49 to win. Bell appeared unfazed by the chaos around him and was determined to keep the flame of hope burning, with some crisply struck shots around the wicket. That chaos descended to anarchy when Hedge (5) suicidally ran himself out for the fourth time in three weeks, a bullet throw direct hit from the boundary by Kumar accounting for his demise. Once again the frustration of being dismissed got the better of him and Hedge was given his second Level 1 warning in two weeks. Bell (26) was next to go with the score on 131, when he holed out to cow corner on the slog sweep. Unfortunately Dixon (6) was unable to replicate his previous lower order batting successes from earlier in the season, as Kumar snuck one through his defences. The burden then unfairly fell to Wallace (2*) and Hill (0) to try and salvage a miracle. However that was not to be the case this week, as the latter was adjudged lbw with the total on 143, gifting Morton a 19 run win. The defeat is a stain on the LCC’s hopes for a perfect season but we know where we went wrong, what we need to do to improve and we will be back stronger next week. If anything, this loss could be exactly what we need to really push on this season - the bitter taste of defeat did not sit well with the players and is not something we want to experience again.

It was a well-deserved victory for the ten men and one child of Morton. The game was played in great spirit for the duration of the match by 21 people on both teams. Unfortunately one Morton player (i.e. the child referenced above, as that is exactly how he behaves in every match I’ve played against him, along with many similar reports from other opposition teams) seemed determined to try and ruin the day out for everyone with his poor behaviour and conduct. Continually mouthing off at the LCC captain, giving batsmen send offs, showing dissent at umpiring decisions, trying to maintain appeals that his entire team disagree with (not to mention the saga of refusing to allow a LCC player with a torn hamstring a runner a game last year), really paints a pretty sad picture of the character of the person. As far as stains go, he is undoubtedly one of the biggest stains on the game of cricket that I have come across, which is a real shame for the other Morton players, who carry themselves in a very professional manner. Hopefully Morton will be able to wash that stain away at some point in the future as nobody enjoys playing cricket in dirty whites.