Let’s talk food.
Before you stop reading, yes, I know this is supposed to be a match report on a game of cricket, rather than a food blog. However, I feel it is important to discuss a cricketing topic that is seldomly mentioned in game day writeups but is as important to some players as what takes place on the pitch. That’s right, I’m talking teas… the quintessential part of the game that has been held dear to the hearts of cricketers since time immemorial, and which has directly contributed to the circumference of some of the more rotund shapes you see rolling about your local park or cricket square on a Saturday. Think cream and jam scones, cucumber sandwiches and chocolate cake, washed down with a cool glass of Pimms. Then immediately scrub that illusion from your mind, and picture the reality of what greets many a cricketer at the half way point of a game… a tray or two of hastily made stale tuna/ham/egg sandwiches, some over ripe fruit and, if you’re lucky, an out-of-date chocolate bar or two (but never enough for everyone to get one). I challenge any culinary critic who believes they have a finer palette than a seasoned cricketer to discern the subtle differences between the 36 distinct flavour profiles of the cold sausage roll. They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. They also say that a hungry bear is an angry bear. So when Linlithgow CC found out that the opposition captain had decided not to provide teas this weekend because quote unquote he had better things to worry about, he immediately became public enemy number one (“PE #1”). LCC were determined to dine out on 20 points at his expense.
LCC 1’s travelled through to Edinburgh to take on the perennial powerhouse that is Heriots 2’s at Goldenacre. A stiff westerly breeze was the only black mark on what was otherwise a glorious day for cricket. Losing the toss, LCC were asked to bowl on what appeared to be a proverbial road, with every batsmen in the team licking their lips in anticipation of having bat (and also because they were very hungry – did I mention teas would not be provided?).
The trusty new ball pairing of Hamilton and Thomson set to work. With the keeper and slip cordon a good 30 yards behind the stumps to the latter, given the pace and carry of the wicket, they knew that anything which came through that region would be doing so at a rate of knots. The opener Acheson was the first to test the cordon, going hard at a wide half-volley. The ball whistled off the bat but thankfully straight at Hedge in the gully, who took a sharp catch low down. Rashid joined Hussain at the crease and the pair patiently looked to let the wicket wear off the shine of the new ball, taking the odd single here and there and putting away any loose balls. The score ticked along to 27 before Hamilton got this name in the wicket column, inducing another edge which flew quickly to Thomson at second slip and was gladly taken in the bread basket (there would be no bread baskets for tea, for the reasons mentioned earlier). Shoukat made his way out to the middle, having found an appetite for batting up the order and made his positive, attacking mindset clear from the start. The pair batted well and took the score past the 100 mark with some risky yet effective stroke play. Skipper Black turned to himself to see if he could blag a wicket with his nibbly medium pace (sadly, that was the only nibbles provided on the day). Two balls later he found the leading edge of Shoukat’s bat and Robinson gobbled up the catch at mid-wicket (again, no further gobbling took place at tea time). Out strode PE #1. Captain vs captain. Unfortunately PE #1 immediately demonstrated some of the fluid and effortless looking shots and prowess which had obviously got him the captaincy gig to begin with. Fortunately for LCC, none of those shots connected with the ball, so it was no surprise when Black knocked back his off peg a couple overs later with a peach of an away swinger (no other peaches were visible at lunch). 4 down quickly became 5 down, then 6 as Black picked up his third scalp before Dixon got in on the act, inducing a false shot from Farooq which was well taken by Thomson on the run at mid-on. Conscious that he would not be fed at half-time, Black was determined to dine out with the ball instead. Dipping into his bag of party tricks he kept the batsmen guessing with his variation, and was eventually rewarded with his 4th and finally 5th wicket, a good sharp catch behind by Saunders. A portly, well-fed Black finally finished up with 10-1-20-5. After Strachan bowled the number 10 to leave Heriots on 173 for 9, LCC were keen to wrap up the innings quickly and prevent Rashid, who was still battling away despite the carnage around him, from getting to three figures. Unfortunately some wayward death bowling and sub-standard fielding didn’t help LCC’s cause. Rashid batted brilliantly and deservedly raised his bat for a well-made century, before being last man out for a valiant 116 and contributing towards more than half of the Heriots total of 207.
What PE #1 lacked in decorum, this was more than made up for by Heriots captain from last year, Ali Farooq, who displayed the level of class that has endeared him to the hearts of many cricketers up and down the country. Conscious of the debacle over teas, he had quietly spent the last 15 minutes of the Heriots innings making himself busy in the club kitchen, unbeknownst to his own team mates. Waiting in the dressing room for the LCC lads as they left the field were a couple of freshly heated pizzas. I struggle to immediately recall a more selfless, noble and gentlemanly gesture in my time playing the game (Ali, if you’re reading this we look forward to welcoming you as a Linlithgow new recruit next season ?) (and PE #1, if you are reading this, then take a leaf out of Ali’s book next time)
Despite the delicious pizza, the hunger for victory was not diminished and LCC knew that 207 was a below par score on this wicket. Oliver and Strachan began our response and immediately set about eating into that total with some delightful classical batting. Oliver (16) was looking particularly imperious until an unplayable corker of a ball from Hickman clipped the top of off stump. Thomson was promoted up the order and looked to bat himself into form, cautiously waiting for the bad ball and stoically defending anything on the stumps. Strachan (28) looked set for a big score but, like his fellow opener, he too received that one unplayable delivery you hope not to get in an innings and edged behind. Bloated from his 5-wicket haul, Black stepped out at number 4 with the score on 59 for 2. Despite his success with the ball, the skipper was still famished and determined to dine out with the bat, knowing that batting decks like that don’t come along every week in Scotland. Good placement and positive running between the pair pushed the score along to 89, before Thomson (13) was adjudged to have feathered one behind, bringing Morton to the crease. The score ticked along nicely to 110 before Morton was tempted into the hook shot by the bustling Shoukat, only to send it down the throat of fine-leg. Saunders was the next man in, and immediately next man out, much to the disappointment of his harem of supporters on the side-lines. At a 110 for 5, and with 98 still required to win in 25 overs, the match was evenly poised. Hedge joined Black at the crease knowing that a decent partnership now could swing the needle in LCC’s favour. And that’s precisely what happened. With boundaries hard to come by, the pair took to putting the fielders under pressure and good hard running saw the score tick over to 162 before Hedge (20) was trapped in front of all three. Robinson was next man in but, much like Saunders, he too made the long walk off accompanied by the imaginary 90’s TV yellow waterfowl dragging its bat behind itself whilst sadly quacking away. 162 for 7 and 48 still needed to win with Dixon now joining Black at the crease, who by now was seeing it like a beach ball. Dixon (13*) started exactly where he has left off in every other innings this season so far, a resolute defence supported by the crispest of timing when deciding to free the arms. The runs continued to accumulate with ease as the quick outfield rewarded anything that beat the inner ring and aggressive running put the pressure on the fielders. 48 to win became 38 which quickly became 10 in what felt like no time at all. With a full 7 overs to spare, a lofted drive over the in field and a hastily scampered 3 and the game was over, LCC winning comfortably in the end by 3 wickets and Black finishing on 76*.
We came, we saw, we feasted… the 20 points were absolutely delicious