I know it’s very cliché, but one should never judge a book by its cover as looks can be deceiving.

Take, for example, the well-dressed, privately educated politicians that run the country, one could easily be fooled into thinking that they share half a brain between them. Or that scantily clad, beautiful blonde bombshell that just sent you a friend request on social media (who also goes by the name Nigel for 6 days of the week). The Nigerian prince in need of a temporary bank account to house his millions, opening a crisp packet to be greeted by a 95% fresh air and 5% potato, Jack Bell trying to pass himself off as a 22-year-old. Yes, life is littered with examples of things that aren’t quite what they seem. And Linlithgow Cricket Club is one of those. You see, at LCC we pride ourselves on our hospitality. Opposition teams will always receive a warm welcome at the BCG. Afterall, there aren’t many more attractive places to play cricket in Scotland. We will go out of our way to ensure that our guests are well fed, and any thirsts quenched at the bar. If you’re after a chat post-game, we’ll happily oblige. We might even give you the Wifi password if you ask nicely. But that’s where the pleasantries stop. We may appear warm and cuddly on the outside, but don’t judge this book by its cover. Once the opposition step over that boundary rope it’s a whole different story. We play cricket, and we play it to win.

LCC welcomed Dunnikier to the BCG on Saturday, as top of the table battled bottom in the glorious sunshine. Complacency can easily make itself your bedfellow in these types of matches, and LCC were determined to show our visitors, and the rest of the league, why we are unbeaten so far this season. Wining the toss, LCC decided to bat first and opened up proceedings with Strachan and Bell. It very quickly became apparent that the wicket itself was a blond bombshell named Nigel. Despite it’s road-like appearance, the ball just wasn’t coming onto the bat, with plenty of variable bounce and movement on offer. The par score was hastily revised down from 250+ to 200. After a couple ducks in a row, a standing ovation greeted Bell’s first run for the club. A few beautifully crisp boundaries followed before he walked across middle and was rapped in front of all three for 14. Strachan (5) had looked solid at the other end, but he too was adjudged lbw shortly afterwards, to leave LCC at 30 for 2. Thomson joined Hedge aka Sonic (Hedge…hog + mullet = Sonic) out in the middle. Unfortunately, LCC once again found themselves three down for not many when Sonic failed to channel his inner video game character and suicidally ran himself out trying to take a second to mid-on. Black was the next man in and set to work rebuilding the innings with Thomson. With boundaries hard to come by, the pair settled for doing things the hard way by manipulating the field well, finding the gaps and running hard. They slowly pushed the score up to 83 before Thomson (32) showed his arms to a straight one, which clattered into the top of off. Saunders (1) came and went cheaply, as the gravitational pull of what must seem like the largest pad in the UK found him plumb in front of middle for the second week running. With a fifty in sight, Black (45) was mortified when he bottom-edged one through to the keeper to leave LCC sitting precariously on 118 for 6. Dixon joined Player out in the middle, with the latter making his first club appearance in over a year. There was certainly no evidence of any cobwebs on show as the ball was met with the bat makers name time and time again. The pair pushed the total past 150 before Dixon (11) middled one to mid-off. Ahammed (0) was next in but failed to make a dent in the scoreboard, holing out at deep mid-on. With Player (38) in visible discomfort due to a gammy knee, a runner was called on to help him. Out strode Sonic for the second time in the innings to assist with this task and make amends for his earlier misjudgement between the wickets. If you’ve ever played video games, you may be able to relate to coming up against a level or boss which, try as you might, you just can’t seem to defeat or get past. In the case of our ironically nicknamed Sonic, that boss/level appears to be running 2’s. For what must be the first time in LCC history the same person was run out twice in the same game, as Sonic looked to take on the mid-wicket boundary fielders’ arm, only to find himself half a yard short (I can confirm that Player and Hedge are still on talking terms, surprisingly). After some heroic efforts last year, there is always a faint glimmer of hope that the last wicket partnership might save the day for us. Sadly, that wasn’t to be the case with Hill (2) the last man out, lbw. LCC 168 all out and once again failing to bat the 50 overs.

Dunnikier are a team that can score 300 one day, and then be bowled out for 30 the next. So LCC knew that the first 10 overs would be vital in setting the tone for the chase and dictating the direction of the game. The new ball was handed to Allan for the first time this season and he immediately made an impact, trapping the opener on the crease with a full, swinging yorker off the last ball of the first over. Further blood was drawn in his second over, as the two paced nature of the pitch assisted in helping the other opener chip a drive to mid-on, where Hill took a good catch low down. The dangerman Aziz was joined by Khurram at the crease, and the two started to take the attack to LCC. The score ticked along to 30 for 2, before Allan got in on the action once again with another lbw, a hooping away swinger accounting for Aziz’s downfall. From that point onwards it was all one-way traffic as a procession of Dunnikier batsmen graced the middle for a short while, before being sent packing back to the dressing room. Thomson (7-1-19-2) accounted for Khurram and the opposition skipper, Sharif, in quick order, his extra pace being too hot to handle for either of them. Allan (10-4-22-4) continued to threaten throughout his fantastic 10 over spell and was rewarded with another scalp, trapping Shafiq on the crease to leave Dunnikier reeling at 34 for 6. And there was no respite to the onslaught when the first and second change bowlers came on and immediately hit their marks. An almost-injury-free Hill was thundering in from the railway end, generating a nice head of speed and getting some lovely movement through the air. He was rewarded with his first wicket for the club, clean bowling Singh, before picking up a second a few overs later, enticing Saeed to go for the big heave-ho, only to sky it to a grateful Sonic at cover. Our resident 45yo 22yo, Bell, replaced Samir and he too picked up his first club wicket in his first over with a replica dismissal, this time safely taken by Strachan at extra cover. At 69 for 9, the game was as good as over but that didn’t stop Akhtar trying to farm the strike and attempt the impossible, with a focus on trying to score boundaries off the first four deliveries of the over, then looking for a single to get himself on strike for the next over. With the number 11, Shahzad, on strike to the final ball of Dixon’s 5th over, he glided a shot down to third man but the single was turned down by Akhtar at the other end. What can only be described as a brain fart then followed. For some reason Shahzad decided to walk down the wicket, possibly thinking that over had been called, which it hadn’t as the ball was still clearly in play. It was picked up cleanly on the boundary by Bell and a bullet throw back over the stumps saw Shahzad three yards out of his crease and quite rightly adjudicated to be run out. Dunnikier all out for a paltry 73.

So, if you do plan on judging this book by its cover, then make sure that cover reads “5 wins from 5!”